Post-Op Post

Here it is, my post-op blog post... yeah say that 10 times fast :) Today it has been exactly two weeks since my surgery and... I only have 12ish more weeks till I'm back to normal whoooooo can I get an Amen?

Thinking back on surgery day I definitely feel like it was all a dream. That morning I woke up, got dressed, put on make-up (for surgery? Of course.) and headed to the hospital with my parents and my sister. I wasn’t feeling nervous, just more anxious then anything, and so ready to get this over with. They did the usual hospital registration, signing of the waivers and deciding who my money would go to if I died… luckily I don’t have any money so that was easy. We waited in the waiting room and they called me back for prep. They prepped me, I said my I love yous and then they wheeled me away. By this time I was supposed to be feeling this lovely cocktail that the nurse gave me but I felt nothing. I started to panic and kept telling her I couldn’t feel anything. We got to the operating room and they moved me over to the table and strapped my arms down. By this point I was in full on panic mode and the tears started pouring. I couldn’t see a thing because they made me give my mom my glasses but I could see the blur of a nurse over me and I could feel her wiping my tears and saying it was going to be ok.

The next thing I know I was waking up in the recovery room. It was 5 hours later and my chest literally felt like I had done 1 million bench presses. I couldn’t lift my head or arms. My throat was so dry. I couldn’t talk, only whisper because it hurt. The nurse fed me ice chips but it was never enough. What I would have given to down an ice cold glass of water at that point… Honestly, that time in recovery was the WORST. I kept asking when I could see my family, that’s all I could think about. I wondered if they knew I was ok. I wondered if they were here waiting for me. It seemed like eternity waiting to get to my room. After about an hour or so they finally brought me to my room and let me say, getting moved over to the hospital bed from the rolling one was absolute horror. Awful. My chest hurt soooo bad. And then I met my new best friend, morphine. I clicked that thing every 6 minutes for 2 days straight.

During my stay I got lots of flowers and edible arrangements and cupcakes and visitors and I felt and still feel extremely blessed for all of the support I have in my life. Hospital stays aren’t fun so I couldn’t be more thankful for all of the wonderful people who came to visit me. I think at one point we had about 11 people in my room. I got to see some very special people and even got a surprise visit that I was ecstatic about :) Thank God I got my own room and it was so nice and spacious! My family took turns staying with me. I felt so bad waking them up every single hour needing something or another, but they were so great and helpful. There was never a time in those 3 days that I was alone in my room. It made things so much easier always having someone there.

Now that I’m home things are getting easier. The first couple of days were rough. There is no way to be completely comfortable. As a tummy sleeper I had a really hard time sleeping on my back let alone sitting up! Now I can actually lay down on my back so it’s a bit easier but still a struggle. The drains SUCK and are so gross. I can't look at them. Doctor George has been cleaning them for me and fixing me up real nice y'all. Can't wait to get them out, 3 more days!!!

My arm muscles were completely out of commission for at least 5 days after surgery. I couldn’t do a thing with them it was the weirdest thing. Every day things get better. My first bath was a huge milestone. It’s amazing what a bath can do. Shout out to my wonderful mom who bathed and clothed me. We both just laughed through the awkwardness. I don’t think I have any shame left after my hospital stay. My dad had to help me put on underwear one day and I had like 4 different nurses wipe me after I peed. No shame here.

So it’s two weeks later and things are good. My chest still hurts and my back HURTS all the time. Now that the swelling has gone down a ton I can actually feel the expanders inside my chest and it’s uncomfortable. When I lay down I can feel them putting pressure on my lungs for the first couple of seconds and then I’m good, it's weird.

I drove today WHOO. It was hard and turns hurt and I probably won’t do it again for a while but my hair hadn’t been washed since surgery and I was itching… literally to get it washed and styled.

Anyway, thank you for all the prayers and thoughts and words y’all have sent my way for the past couple of weeks. It has meant the world to me. The hardest part is over!

-Eryn

Just a little something to hold you over.

Unfortunately I have been unable to do much since surgery so I apologize for not getting back to everyone on Facebook/texts/calls and all the flowers and gifts that were sent. As soon as I am feeling better I will be responding to everyone, it's just a little much for me now. I leave you with this, my current set up. Here I am, drains in tow. I have a considerable amount of swelling under my arms and where the girls used to be but things are getting better. It's such a relief knowing that my chances of getting breast cancer went from 87% to 1%. I can breathe again. Thank you friends and family for everything. I am continually overwhelmed with support and love.  Happy to say I slept in about 3 hour increments last night versus the usual one hour. Back to the couch I go.

No Tupac I don't want change.

It is safe to say that I am semi freaking out. One day stands between me and one of the biggest choices I've had to make in my life. As the reality of it sets in, I find myself wanting to oh... throw back a few xanax and call it a day. 

But I've got lots to do. Like watch 25 days of christmas on ABC family and finish washing all my clothes. clothes that I won't be able to wear for at least 2 weeks, yay. Can I be a debbie downer right nowwwwww?

Actually all was peachy today. I got a pedicure with the lovely Powell girls and went to dinner. Oh and then it just slipped out that the person who was supposed to come and take care of me for the next 2 weeks can't come anymore. No big deal.

Cue silent freak out. Cue poker face. I told myself not to cry at least 4 times the rest of the dinner.

This whole kink has my anxiety levels through the roof. My parents are assuring me it will be fine. They will take off work and take turns. For two whole weeks? I am fine with this of course. I am mostly freaked out that my perfect, well thought out plans are changing at the last second and this is not ok with me. No more changes in plans please. For the sake of my sanity. Or what's left of it.

On a lighter note... I had my last final today. Where is my sense of relief? I can't find it anywhere. 

Tomorrow I spend my day christmas shopping and frolicking in the sunshine. Someone do something crazy with me. Please and thank you. 

- Eryn

6 days 6 days 6 days!

Look at me, look at me, I got blog happy this morning and finally gave this thing some life! I loveeeee it. The gray was so boring and melancholy and this blog is NOT that. SO welcome, stay for a while :)

18 days until Christmas y'all! My absolute favorite holiday. I love the coziness and the family time and the cold weather (it's coming I hear!) and the music and all the love, and I am just a big ball of Christmas happiness right now. With that said, I have a hugeeeeeee case of FOMO already and I haven't even had my surgery yet. I am more worried about how I am going to participate in all the Christmas festivities after my surgery than my actual surgery! I've probably gone a little overboard with recovery research and asking a friend when she could drive, how long before she could walk around, when did she start feeling better... and as much as I want to plan my recovery out on paper, I can't and it's driving me crazy. So I am stressing. And guess what, finals are next week! Surgery and finals all in one week someone pinch me I must be dreaming!

Speaking of stress. I got sick last week. First it was fever, then runny nose and now it’s just a stalker cough that will not leave me alone. My surgeon sent me straight to the doctor to get meds and said if I didn't get better we would have to reschedule surgery. There is no way in hell that is happening so I have stayed in for the past week and rested. The stalker is still bothering me but it's slowly getting better. A few nights ago, I literally coughed for 2 hours straight. Nothing helped, so I tried this Mexican remedy of putting VICKS on the soles of your feet and sleeping with socks on. The minute I put them on I don't think I coughed once. It was seriously magic. I've done it for the past 3 nights and have got a good night’s sleep. THANK YOU GOD.

On Thursday I had my last plastic surgery appointment! They finalized everything and then took a bunch of topless pictures of me. I wanted to laugh whole time. I think I'm 12 years old inside. My appointment concluded with me asking if I could wear makeup and nail polish on surgery day.

On Friday, I had my pre-registration appointment at the hospital. I had to go in and give blood, pee in a cup and get a chest x-ray and now I am all ready for Friday ahhhhhh.

I had to get some special mastectomy bras that clasp in the front. They are flat out ugly and I wish someone would make a line of mastectomy bras that didn’t make you feel like a grandma. I can't believe its 6 days away. I am sooooo ready to do this. I have lots planned for next week like manis & pedis with the girls in my family before the big day and I am going to take the ultimate shower on Thursday night, since I won't be able to for a while after surgery. It's crazy to think that this time next week, my girls will be gone. But I will feel so relieved and that's what matters.

- Eryn