It's National Previvor Day and National Hereditary Breast & Ovarian Cancer Week! It's only fitting that I update you on my journey today :)
I've been going back and forth for the past month about what kind of surgery I want to have. I had no idea there were so many options when it comes to doing a preventative mastectomy. I found out they can take fat out of my tummy and put it in my boobies, YES. As great as a tummy tuck sounds to the selfish me, I've opted out of this option because the recovery takes a lot longer due to the fact that its two surgeries instead of one and also for the sheer fact that I couldn't live with myself knowing that I took the easy way out instead of going to the gym. I have morals people. Although I do have this sick obsession with the lap band and have maybe just maybe thought about making myself obese just to get it, MAYBE.
Anyway, the biggest decision about my surgery is if I want to keep my nipples or not. It's kind of a catch 22, because if I want to keep my nipples, I still have a very very small chance that I could get breast cancer because I will still have a tiny amount of breast tissue left. If I don't keep my nipples they can reconstruct them later with other skin or they can tattoo them on. This has been one of my biggest struggles when it comes to surgery but I've finally decided, thanks in huge part to a new friend of mine who I will tell you about later, that I am going to KEEP THE NIPS. I've heard many times about how this type of surgery can be very psychologically damaging to a woman, and being able to keep my nipples will help me feel more like me. So that's what I'm doing and I feel a lot more at ease now that I've decided. You're welcome nipples.
One thing I can say about this journey is that it truly has been an emotional rollercoaster. As much as I'd like to say that every day I wake up and thank God that I know I have the breast cancer gene so I can prevent cancer, there really are hard days. What's equally hard is that I feel like the people close to me can't relate. In fact, no one can really relate to what I'm feeling. I've said it before, it's a really weird thing feeling like a ticking time bomb for death. I've been given an abundance of support but I am on this journey alone, and although it's been hard I do feel like I've learned a thing or two about myself. Oh yeah and alcohol is not a good coping mechanism, it only makes things worse, go figure.
On another note, I got asked to be interviewed on film for the Baptist Breast Center which was so much fun. The whole set up was intimidating, with a back drop and a chair in front of it, big lights and umbrellas pointed at me, I felt like I was on 20/20 and not gonna lie I really really really liked it. I secretly think I'd make a great celebrity. Anyway, I was asked questions about my mom, my journey and I even got a chance to talk about my blog. It was truly a great experience. Being able to do things like that make the journey worth it.
Eryn
