I Failed the Test, what else is new?

I am a diehard TV fan. When I say die hard, I mean that me, my mom, and my sister fight over what gets recorded on the DVR because between us we have probably over 50 separate shows to keep up with. We even have a DVR meetings where we all sit down together and go over what we can delete because there is no more room left to record. We are psychotic.  My sister recently moved out and I have to say, a part of me is semi-happy that I get more room on the DVR. Nothing gives me better sense of gratification than catching up on all my shows. One of my favorite shows is the new 90120, it's got over the top teen drama and super unbelievable story lines, and  I just can't get enough. In the last few episodes of the season, a main character, whose mother had passed of breast cancer, was dealing with getting genetic testing for the cancer gene. This is pretty ridiculous but this show gave me the little push I needed to get myself to the doctor. Yes thank you 90210. 

I had heard of BRCA genetic testing a few times in my past. About a year ago, a good friend of mine mentioned that her and the other girls in her family were getting the testing done because they had a history of breast cancer in their family. She didn't have the gene, but her sister and cousin did. Her cousin is 25 and recently had surgery and her sister is about to have hers. Her sister actually reached out to me a few days ago after reading my blog and has offered to help me out on this journey which I am so thankful for! I put the thought of testing in the back of my head and the time and went on with my life. It stayed in the back of my head and popped up every once in a while when I saw an ad for Susan G Komen or heard something about breast cancer. Do I really want to know if I am going to get breast cancer? It's a confusing thing. When 90210 was airing the episodes about the character finding out she had the breast cancer gene, I didn't watch them for the longest time. They sat on my DVR for weeks. I'm not sure what I was afraid of besides the fact that I didn't want to face the reality that I could be in that very position. One day, I was cooking a delicious meal in the kitchen... hahaha ok I wasn't cooking...  I was making popcorn (my specialty) and my mom was watching that episode in the living room nearby. I saw the scene where the doctor told her she had the gene and I was so unbelievably uncomfortable, wondering if at that very moment if my mom was also thinking about me and my future like I was. I started researching places where I could get the testing done. I mentioned it to my mom and she found a center that would do it for free, since I had a strong history in my family. I set the appointment and eagerly waited for the day of my test. 

I did a lot of crying that week. It's definitely a weird feeling. I hadn't known my results, hell I hadn't even taken the test but I knew that this could mean big changes in my life. My appointment day came and a lot of emotions went through me in that meeting. I wanted to laugh when she was talking about boobs because I am immature and then I wanted to cry when she asked me what my timeline was (scary) and then I took a mouthwash test that would determine my fate. Anyway, we would come back in 7-10 days for the results. 

The waiting game was pretty intense. Kali called and said my results were in. We went in that next day, and she pulled out my results and sure enough I tested positive for BRCA2. I didn't cry this time. I think I had already came to terms that I probably had it in those few days of waiting. The couple days after that I have to admit I was feeling a bit depressed. As I came to terms with the results, I started feeling better. I do feel like a clock is ticking inside my chest, and the sooner I get rid of these boobies, the sooner I will be safe, but I on my way to figuring out what my next step will be and I couldn't be more thankful that this test was available to me. If you have a history of breast cancer in your family, I encourage you to be proactive in your prevention and get the test done. It may be the best thing you can do for yourself and your future family.

Thanks for reading y'all,

Eryn

My Experience With Breast Cancer

My first memory of breast cancer was when I was 13. I was in my acceptance interview at Cornerstone when the principal asked my dad if he could tell him one specific thing that God has done for him in his life. Not knowing what was coming, I cringed in my seat as I prepared to hear my dad go off on a tangent about the extent of his love for Jesus. My dad has always been our number one cheerleader when it comes to having a personal relationship with God. Growing up he would ask me how my walk with God was or if I was in the FOG (an acronym he made up meaning 'favor of God'), I definitely rolled my eyes at that one a few times. One time he made vinyl stickers with a christian fish and the letters F-O-G and put it on his car. Needless to say he was persistent and has always encouraged us to better our relationships with God, and I admire him for that. The next words I heard in the interview were, "Well Eryn doesn't know this but God healed my wife of breast cancer." My heart stopped. I let the words sink in and held back my tears with every ounce of my being. what. the. heck.  My mom was sick! When! Why hadn't I know? I was shocked. A few weeks later, I brought up the interview. My dad told me that I was 6 years old and too young to understand at the time. There were no obvious signs because my mom was able to take a low dose chemo pill and had no visible symptoms. I don't remember ever thinking anything was weird, but then again I was 6. I was busy playing barbies and making home videos of myself dancing around and singing. I only know this because my mom has uploaded them to youtube recently, THANKS MOM.

Well I got accepted to Cornerstone. Thankfully the principal did not have a vision from God of the havoc I would wreak in my next 4 years of high school... or a vision of my high school graduation, when the superintendent gave his speech and mentioned that a particular girl was in his office at the beginning of her high school career and now she is here graduating, yes that happened. I had the time of my life and needless to say I have settled down... somewhat. It was during my high school years that my mom's sister Mini (1 out of 5 sisters YEAH) was diagnosed with breast cancer.We watched her fight and fight for many years as the cancer spread. Even through her intensive chemotherapy, she always had a smile on her face and even did the breast cancer walk with us a few times. I will never forget a picture I have of her and mom crossing the finish line in their survivor shirts. She was such a fighter! When I was 23, the doctors decided there was no more they could do. Aunt Mini went to be with Jesus a few weeks later and it was one of the hardest things our family has ever had to deal with. It's still hard. We miss her every day.

While preparing for her funeral, my parents sat me and my sister down for a 'talk'. These talks were pretty common with me and my parents, mostly in my high school years and they almost always ended with some sort of sentencing. What could I possibly be in trouble for at 23 years old. I definitely wasn't expecting to hear what I did. My mom's breast cancer had came back. Great timing. Right in the middle of losing Aunt Mini, this can't be happening. I was heart broken. The funeral day came and it was a tough one. Mourning the loss of a loved one and mourning the news of my mother was overwhelming. I will never forget when my Aunt Mini's daughter Wendy found me after the funeral, held me while I cried and told me that her mom was going to be my mom's angel through this.

After a few weeks, my mom began to prepare for her journey. She was going to have a bilateral mastectomy and then start chemotherapy. The day of her surgery was emotionally draining. We all took off work, and sat in the waiting room for hours waiting and waiting. Mom's friends came by and brought us a big basket of food and treats. My mom's friend from high school who is also my dear friend Jordan's mom brought us an ice chest, with drinks and food for our stay at the hospital. After the surgery, so many people came to visit, brought us dinner many nights of the week and took care of us, we are blessed with the most amazing family and friends. I wish I could name and thank every single one of you on here. My Aunt Sonia came to live with us to take care of my mom while she recovered. After her recovery, she began chemotherapy. There is no manual on how to act when your parent is going through chemo but there should be. Watching someone you've always known to be so strong become so weak and lose all their hair is absolutely heart breaking. I went to chemotherapy with her once. Sitting there for hours in a room with other cancer patients hooked up to machines is very emotional. It was too hard on me to watch and thankfully my aunt Yolanda devoted a lot of her time to being with my mom at her appointments, she is an angel. My mom eventually finished chemo therapy and all of her pretty hair grew back and now she is a two time survivor as of 2010. She is truly my hero.

So all of this brings you to where my journey starts.

Thanks for reading y'all,

Eryn

Um what

I am starting this new blog to document my journey with the breast cancer gene. After many late nights of researching, I've found that there isn't too much info out there about living with it so I'm going to give it a shot. I have the BRCA2 gene, a hereditary gene that causes breast cancer. In fact, it raises your chances of getting it to a whopping 87%. Cool! For those who know me and for those who don't, I hope this blog can raise awareness and more importantly help someone else looking for comfort or answers.

Thanks for reading y'all!

Eryn