I Failed the Test, what else is new?

I am a diehard TV fan. When I say die hard, I mean that me, my mom, and my sister fight over what gets recorded on the DVR because between us we have probably over 50 separate shows to keep up with. We even have a DVR meetings where we all sit down together and go over what we can delete because there is no more room left to record. We are psychotic.  My sister recently moved out and I have to say, a part of me is semi-happy that I get more room on the DVR. Nothing gives me better sense of gratification than catching up on all my shows. One of my favorite shows is the new 90120, it's got over the top teen drama and super unbelievable story lines, and  I just can't get enough. In the last few episodes of the season, a main character, whose mother had passed of breast cancer, was dealing with getting genetic testing for the cancer gene. This is pretty ridiculous but this show gave me the little push I needed to get myself to the doctor. Yes thank you 90210. 

I had heard of BRCA genetic testing a few times in my past. About a year ago, a good friend of mine mentioned that her and the other girls in her family were getting the testing done because they had a history of breast cancer in their family. She didn't have the gene, but her sister and cousin did. Her cousin is 25 and recently had surgery and her sister is about to have hers. Her sister actually reached out to me a few days ago after reading my blog and has offered to help me out on this journey which I am so thankful for! I put the thought of testing in the back of my head and the time and went on with my life. It stayed in the back of my head and popped up every once in a while when I saw an ad for Susan G Komen or heard something about breast cancer. Do I really want to know if I am going to get breast cancer? It's a confusing thing. When 90210 was airing the episodes about the character finding out she had the breast cancer gene, I didn't watch them for the longest time. They sat on my DVR for weeks. I'm not sure what I was afraid of besides the fact that I didn't want to face the reality that I could be in that very position. One day, I was cooking a delicious meal in the kitchen... hahaha ok I wasn't cooking...  I was making popcorn (my specialty) and my mom was watching that episode in the living room nearby. I saw the scene where the doctor told her she had the gene and I was so unbelievably uncomfortable, wondering if at that very moment if my mom was also thinking about me and my future like I was. I started researching places where I could get the testing done. I mentioned it to my mom and she found a center that would do it for free, since I had a strong history in my family. I set the appointment and eagerly waited for the day of my test. 

I did a lot of crying that week. It's definitely a weird feeling. I hadn't known my results, hell I hadn't even taken the test but I knew that this could mean big changes in my life. My appointment day came and a lot of emotions went through me in that meeting. I wanted to laugh when she was talking about boobs because I am immature and then I wanted to cry when she asked me what my timeline was (scary) and then I took a mouthwash test that would determine my fate. Anyway, we would come back in 7-10 days for the results. 

The waiting game was pretty intense. Kali called and said my results were in. We went in that next day, and she pulled out my results and sure enough I tested positive for BRCA2. I didn't cry this time. I think I had already came to terms that I probably had it in those few days of waiting. The couple days after that I have to admit I was feeling a bit depressed. As I came to terms with the results, I started feeling better. I do feel like a clock is ticking inside my chest, and the sooner I get rid of these boobies, the sooner I will be safe, but I on my way to figuring out what my next step will be and I couldn't be more thankful that this test was available to me. If you have a history of breast cancer in your family, I encourage you to be proactive in your prevention and get the test done. It may be the best thing you can do for yourself and your future family.

Thanks for reading y'all,

Eryn